On Love... Falling In and Out

Before you start to worry that I will be sharing my personal triumphs and trials in the universal quest to find someone that makes us feel like they care, you should know I'm not referring to that kind of love. (However if that's something you would be interested in, I have a few anecdotes up my sleeve) Yet, this is a love letter, one to the eager book blogger I was two and a half years ago.

I'm still a reader... obviously *flips hair* but I think my actions have made it clear enough that book blogging and making BookTube videos have most definitely not been a priority. If there's one thing I've been preaching since the start, it's been that whatever you feel as if you need in your life, you make the time for. Yes, that might be a Peeta-Katniss-Gale reference.

I remember back in the early days, whenever I temporarily fell off the blogging wagon, I would write long, apologetic posts to my readers about why I was gone, what I was doing that could have possibly been more important, and ninety percent of the time the reasons I stayed away weren't in my control. This is also known as being a student and having obligations like homework and studying.

Upon leaving for Oxford and more importantly, since coming back, I've realized it isn't that simple. There's been a lot of discussion about autopilot, whether it's been explicitly labeled or not. I personally don't have any issues with those who choose to produce book hauls, TBRs, wrap-ups, and the content we have come to consider "staple" in this amazing community. I remember making the decision after more than a year of constant uploads to cease doing monthly wrap-ups. They were one of my favorite types of videos to make, one of the most time consuming, and one of the most rewarding. I know now it wasn't for the reasons I stated in the video I dramatically titled, "My Last Wrap-Up Ever?!?"

In truth, if you look at the content I produced whilst in England, it's completely writing oriented, and that's what I want to talk about today. When I started off blogging, Ashley from Nose Graze explained something priceless about this community. When first creating a brand name which encompasses both the URL and usernames you use consistently on social media (if I had known anything about branding before I began blogging, I would have had the same URL and username), it is wise to choose something that has nothing to with what you intend to write about.

This is because it's intention. 

But what you want to say changes over time, experience, and most certainly, with the books you read. Loving the Language of Literacy obviously has a lot to do with literature, but the name never explicitly stated that I was a BOOK blogger or (and I'm thanking the blogging gods) that I was a YOUNG ADULT book blogger. This has nothing to do with the stigma surrounding the genre or the concept of "growing out of YA." It just has to do with the fact that one, I don't always read YA anymore and two, I don't want my sole focus to be on books.

I understand the effort and time that will go into re-branding per-say, but I couldn't be happier. Sidenote : I'm not going to start blogging about cooking or my athletic endeavors mostly because I can sum both of those things up in a sentence. My sister and I made a meal for our family in the month of May and I haven't worked out officially since I ran the Mountain Goat back in the beginning of May.

What I will be discussing are my passions.

Most of which you have heard little tidbits about since 2016 began and uncoincidentally, these  passions are either language or artistically based. They might even end up better representing the words Loving the Language of Literacy than book reviewing ever did. This isn't to say I will never review a book again because it's a sure fact that some book will come along soon and steal my heart in a way all of the books I've read before it haven't in a long time. This isn't to say I will never do a book haul again because to be perfectly honest, my Black Friday BookOutlet Haul was one of my favorite videos to film.

for Creative Writing and Language Learning  

Who is surprised? If you are, you must be new. 

On languages... Since the year began, I've learned that I'm just as fascinated with the scientific, mechanical aspects of language as I am with the artistic, imaginative ones. Language learning itself has become my new obsession not only because I love annoying my friends by saying things they don't understand but because I want to to communicate with as many people as possible. I remember  walking into English one day when I was in Oxford for a lesson focused on modal and auxiliary verbs. I swear to goodness, I had a better time in that lesson than my teacher did. Basically, if my peers didn't already think I was a nerd for loving to read and make up stories, they do now that I have discovered my love for analyzing sentences and language structure.

On creative writing... In terms of style, subject matter, and skill, I have grown exponentially. I don't even know where to begin besides the Champlain College Young Writer's Conference which I intend to make an entire video about because it was the best weekend of my life and I definitely think I could produce a killer sappy/cliche essay about everything the weekend taught me about courage and belonging. In gist, it is a magical place up at Burlington, Vermont where there are over 250 teenagers who all love to read and write as much as you do with a place for everyone from slam poets to song writers to novelists to playwrights to creative nonfiction-ers.

On schedule... To be perfectly honest here, this summer is insanity for me. Regents are next week, then I spend the rest of June in Finland and Sweden. I'm home for the first ten days of July and then I head off to three weeks at Bard College for their Young Writer's Workshop. The first week of August is spent in California visiting family. The following is going to be my miserable attempt at getting back into shape amongst the fastest, fittest teenagers in New York State at Aim High Running Camp. Then it's back home to Syracuse for Cross Country preseason. And then it's back to the grindstone for another school year.

Despite everything going on, the plan is to have one blog every Sunday following the themes of my language learning and writing progress as well as a video every Tuesday and Friday. Of course, if I'm particularly inspired, there will be more content coming your way, but this is the plan for now.

I admit this change is scary. 

Loving the Language of Literacy is changing and evolving and I'm basically rebranding everything I've worked towards in the past two and a half years. I always thought I would have my book blog and BookTube channel as a sort of crutch when it came time for college applications - as if I could point to it and say, "Even if I quit or gave up x, y, and z, I never gave up this." But here I am, diving headfirst into my new passions and I couldn't be happier.

If you're new, I hope you stick around, and if you've been following me for a while, I would love you to stick around as well during this time of evolution. My primary goal that ties my two loves together is for storytelling and I can't wait to share mine.

Ask About When | #NaPoWriMo

For the next 30 days on my YouTube channel Loving the Language of Literacy, I will be posting an original poem of mine along with behind the scenes knowledge of my inspiration, the creative process, and any other lessons / tips & tricks I have to offer. 

Ask About When

They ask me to bare the innerworkings of my mind

So that they may glimpse the generator,

The creator, Some kind of all-satisfying answer,

To the demands and prying eyes that come with age.

Yet what they should not be asking is

Why I say what I do

How I come up with the notions

Where this supposed wisdom is born

Those are easy.

#1. Because there is so much idiocy in this world

That frustration has become the motivation to speak

#2. Because someone or something else’s words

Have inspired ones of my own;

I am no original, but the culmination of

Trial, Error, and Observation

#3. Because I am just another marionette

Turned martyr, and remain as one of the few

That have learned to tug on my strings,

Yet no one has ever questioned the When.

If they think for one second of any day

That I have no filter

That I have not carefully

Calculated, Whittled, and Re-Sculpted

My words

Constantly gambling on every

Bat of an eyelash,

Fluctuation in frequency of tone,

Strike on the scoreboard that is

Their impression of me,

Then they are even more moronic than I had thought.

I used to be the girl

Whose only mar on a perfect record

Was due to the fact that I had been

Bursting to contribute my opinion

From gun control to the structure of the word purple

And then one day, I stayed long enough

To gauge their opinions of me

Those subtle eye rolls only apparent to

Everyone in the room except for myself

Those imperceptible exhalations of “that’s just Sofia,”

Now, in a new time, new place,

As a person whose definitions of the world have been

Through the laundry machine of time

I still don’t reveal what the answer is in slope intercept form

And wouldn’t dare unfurl my opinions on the 6 ‘o clock news

I guess that’s why they see me in the light that they do

As I have been in charge of every utterance of

Thought that has ever touched down on a page,

Maybe now they’ll realize that opening up means nothing

When those answers have always been there

And there are still less complicated questions to ask

Because I am only just Sofia.

——— Sofia Shohue Liaw

They ask me to undress the innerworkings of my mind

So that they may glimpse the generator,

The creator, Some kind of all-satisfying answer,

To the commands and prying eyes that come with age.

Yet what they shouldn’t be asking -

Why I say what I do

How I come up with them

Where this supposed wisdom is born

Those are easy.

#1. Because there is so much idiocy in this world

That frustration has become the motivation to speak

#2. Because someone or something else’s words

Have inspired ones of my own.

I am no original, but the culmination of

Trial, Error, and Observation

#3. Because I am just another marionette

Turned victim, and reman as one of the few

That have learned to tug on my strings

Yet no one has ever questioned the When.

If they think for one second of any day

That I have no filter

That I have not carefully

Calculated, Whittled, and Re-sculpted

My words

Constantly gambling on every

Bat of an eyelash,

Fluctuation in frequency of time,

Strike on the scoreboard that is

Their impression of me,

Then they are even more moronic than I had thought.

I used to be the girl

Whose only mar on a perfect record

Was due to the fact that I had been

Bursting to share and contribute my opinion

From gun control to the structure of the word purple

And then one day, I stayed long enough

To gauge their opinions of me

Those subtle eyeballs only apparent to

Everyone in the room except for myself

Those imperceptible exhalations of “that’s just Sofia”

Now, in a new time, new place,

As a person whose definitions of the world have been

Through the laundry machine of time

I still don’t reveal what the answer is in slope intercept form

And wouldn’t dare unfurl my opinions on the news

I guess that’s why they see me in the light that they do

As I have been in charge of every utterance of

Thought that has ever touched down on a page

Maybe now they’ll realize that opening up means nothing

When those answers have always been there

And there are still less complicated questions to ask.

Because I am only just Sofia.

The Creation of Ask About When 
This is an exact copy of the explanation I wrote in April of 2015 and handed in along with the rest of my poetry portfolio. My voice is a lot different even then and while some of the things I said are no longer true, they were at the time and that's the point of writing, to see how far we have come.

Ask About When is one of the few poems I have written and genuinely felt proud of from the moment of conception, which happened in the midst of Mr. K’s lesson (you can’t deny the muses when they strike), and throughout the lengthy revision process.

In a class discussion, Mr. K brought up the observation that the particular 2014/2015 class was the most closed-off of any he had encountered so far in his teaching career as well as his opinion that most of the poetry that had been submitted throughout the unit was mediocre at best. From the very first line, Ask About When is my own answer to his statement, on levels both as a student and a person, where I present the issue at hand, and then combat it, all while spiraling deeper into why this topic has so much personal meaning. It addresses the crippling part of my personality - the reluctance and actual fear of participating in class - that I have dealt with since 2nd grade.

There are two impressions of who Sofia is that influenced word choice in the second and third lines. The first being that I am a machine-like perfectionist (generator) and the second being that the words I speak and write are somehow insightful or intelligent sounding (creator). From the moment we are born, we are in a constant state of sensory overload accompanied with living that makes the commonplace person not as trusting and naive, which is what the first and fourth lines suggest, as I have been asked to put the way I think on display because people question my word.

The second and third stanzas cover the questions people have always asked, the ones that beat around the bush and don’t actually fulfill their inquiries. This is simply because if I’m willing to answer you, whether out of the need to impress or compassion, that is answer in and of itself.

The fourth stanza addresses the questions from the second in a more slam-poetry style and are some of the most important lines in the poem. In short, the only reason I seem “smart” is because I have realized that I have to play the game of life if my favor in I ever want to establish some sort of independence from others, but that doesn’t mean that I am any better or try to be.

The fifth and sixth stanzas are the funnel of the whirlpool as I delve deeper and deeper into my social anxiety that comes with participation in class as well as showcasing my personal snarkiness that ties back to my frustration with idiocy. Furthermore, it alerts readers of my self-awareness and lets them know of my best attempts to draw a favorable hand.

The seventh stanza is truly where I hit home as an explanation to what controls when I speak. In Kindergarten, I had perfect grades in every standard, both social and intellectual, except for the one concerning speaking out of turn. I had been a constant fireball of positive energy, continuously eager to learn and contribute my opinion. In 2nd grade, I became aware of my surroundings and the people around me, the fact that I wasn’t “normal,” and through the use of irony, lay my fear of judgement out on the table.

The eighth and ninth stanza attempts to portray the gap of both time and personality that sits between my New York and Californian lives. I had thought it would be different coming to a new school, but the fact of the matter is that I’m still afraid and my teachers have picked up on this as well.

The tenth stanza is my three line ode (even though I could have used 3,000 lines) to my passion for the written word and writing. As someone who considers themselves a poet (being good has absolutely nothing to do with the declaration), I love nothing more than being in control. I will tell anyone anything about myself through writing, but reader’s must remember that that is my own conscious decision to do so.

The ending to Ask About When is something I struggled with because I thought, “Well, I’ve written all of this and made some pretty bold statements. How the heck do I wrap this all up?” The classic ending designed to make readers think was the original cutoff for the poem. Upon a peer editor’s suggestion, I spun the poem’s conclusion into something I feel sums up (as well as continues to perplex) its message. I am just a teenage year old fangirl who is learning how to navigate the waters of young love and spends her free time running and making videos, who uses the written word as her currency through time, who is stubborn and passionate (which keeps things interesting for my teachers), and who moved to Syracuse in the first place because I lost my mom (yes, I know that’s a euphemism).

Lastly, I think Ask About When is my own angst-ridden teenager-y shout into the void that’s supposed to alert people (who actually cared to read this far into my portfolio) of the fact that I have a problem and am doing the best that I can to do deal with it. And I hope, 10 years from now when I’m digging through old school assignments and poetry (once I’m a New York Times Bestselling author, of course), that this will only be a time capsule of the person I am today.

{Book Review} Kiss of Broken Glass: Madeline Kuderick

Rating: 77%
Series: None
Genre: Contemporary, Realistic, Poetry, Fiction, Young Adult,
Publisher: Harper Teen
Publication Date: September 9, 2014
Page Count: 224
Format: Hardcover
Source: Library

Barnes & Nobles ~ Goodreads ~ Amazon

Goodreads Synopsis: Madeleine Kuderick’s gripping debut is a darkly beautiful and lyrical novel in verse, perfect for fans of Sonya Sones and Laurie Halse Anderson. Kiss of Broken Glass pulses with emotion and lingers long after the last page.

In the next seventy-two hours, Kenna may lose everything—her friends, her freedom, and maybe even herself. One kiss of the blade was all it took to get her sent to the psych ward for seventy-two hours. There she will face her addiction to cutting, though the outcome is far from certain.

When fifteen-year-old Kenna is found cutting herself in the school bathroom, she is sent to a facility for mandatory psychiatric watch. There, Kenna meets other kids like her—her roommate, Donya, who’s there for her fifth time; the birdlike Skylar; and Jag, a boy cute enough to make her forget her problems . . . for a moment.

Who Would I Recommend This Book To?

Fans of Audacious (Gabrielle Prendergrast), any Ellen Hopkins novel, The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer (Michelle Hodkin)

Background & Backstory

I am a huge fan of novels in verse, so I take the opportunity to read any YA book by multiple authors at any time possible. The reigning queen of novels in verse is Ellen Hopkins, but I always like to see if any novels can compete. Naturally, I wanted to pick up Kiss of Broken Glass. 

Something that took me back when before I started reading Kiss of Broken Glass was the fact that this novel had 225 pages. If you have ever seen, let alone read an Ellen Hopkins novel, you will know they are 500+ pages of thick chunkster. I had no idea if I would even get a story when reading this book because of the free verse and freakishly short page count.

What Was My Reaction After I Finished This Book?

That was incredibly short.... but there was a clear plot.

***I haven't done a quote review in FOREVER***

"The same way an acorn holds a full-grown oak tree inside its tiny shell. 

I want to put it in my pocket.

But what if the idea sprouts?

What if it gets pink and purple with promise but instead of growing strong...is just flops over and dies."

Do you know when you have to put aside your feelings for something in order to enjoy something with similar qualities because you know your enjoyment will be tainted otherwise? That is exactly what I had to do with Kiss of Broken Glass. There is no way I could have judged this book on the same scales as I judge any of Ellen Hopkins novels. Dark subject matter and free verse are the only things the two authors have in common. So, when rating, I judged KoBG as if I had never read another book in verse before.

"I am the shadow that waits in dark places, silent and patient, to follow you home.

I am the tiger that eagerly chases, racing and running, wherever you roam.

I am the hunger that feeds on your madness, biting and clawing, to swallow you whole.

I am the silver that soaks up your sadness, body and spirit and all of your soul."

As usual with books in free verse, the prose was gorgeous and heart-wrenching. While I did not have to whip out the tissues to dab my moistening eyes, I was touched and could relate to many of the quotes in this novel. 

"I don't have any deep, dark secrets. 

My lifes not some riveting novel when you rush through the pages

to get to the end and find out what horrific, repressed memory caused me to cut

The fact is, I've had a pretty ordinary childhood.

So I guess that brings me to the real secret.

I've been cutting for absolutely no reason at all."

You may know this from the synopsis, but this book only covers a short 72 hour period of observation under psychiatric watch. Yet, in that short time, we learn so much about Kenna and the mentality towards cutting. My personal views are that cutting is horrible and shouldn't be done. For one, it hurts. For another, it scars both yourself and other, serving as a permanent reminder - like a tattoo, but worse. Yet, it was fascinating to see how Kenna described it as a fad for the popular and not a horrible act done by those who are depressed. 

"All I want is scalding water to sear down my spine like a hot blade,

to blister my back, to char my chest, to melt me to pieces 

so I can dissolve down the drain; evaporate into steam, and disappear."

Something that obviously could have been better were the relationships Kenna developed with those under psychiatric watch. A hint of a romance was going on between her and a boy she just met. It wasn't even insta-love, it was just like, "You're a boy. You're cute. I'm going to start liking you." There was also this friendship that developed between her and a long-term patient that seemed extremely strong and powerful, but I personally couldn't see where it stemmed from and didn't feel for them.

"So I wedge myself by the window and I watch....

It's like there are two worlds now.

The In Here. And the Out There.

The suspended animation. And the full speed ahead."

My feelings on the ending AGAIN refer back to the length of this novel. Of course the ending wouldn't be closure-giving with how short it was. Yet I wished it had ended differently. I wish I had gotten more time to know Kenna and the other patients. I wish there had been more story and more to know and feel for. 

How Likely Is It That I Will Read Another Book By This Author?

80%
Considering how much I enjoyed the story in comparison to how little the page count was, I will definitely read another book by Madeline Kuderick in the future. 

Conclusion: Concise. Poignant. Beautiful. A snippet of perspective into the misunderstood's head.

{ARC Review} Rumble: Ellen Hopkins

Rating: 67%
Series: None
Genre: LGBTQ, Religion, Poetry, Contemporary, Romance, Realistic Fiction, Fiction, Young Adult,
Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books
Publication Date: August 26, 2014
Page Count: 542
Format: Physical ARC
Source: Margaret K. McElderry Books via Once Upon a Time Children's Bookstore

Barnes & Nobles ~ Goodreads ~ Amazon

Goodreads Synopsis: Can an atheist be saved? The New York Times bestselling author of Crank and Tricks explores the highly charged landscapes of faith and forgiveness with brilliant sensitivity and emotional resonance.

“There is no God, no benevolent ruler of the earth, no omnipotent grand poobah of countless universes. Because if there was...my little brother would still be fishing or playing basketball instead of fertilizing cemetery vegetation.”

Matthew Turner doesn’t have faith in anything.

Not in family—his is a shambles after his younger brother was bullied into suicide. Not in so-called friends who turn their backs when things get tough. Not in some all-powerful creator who lets too much bad stuff happen. And certainly not in some “It Gets Better” psychobabble.

No matter what his girlfriend Hayden says about faith and forgiveness, there’s no way Matt’s letting go of blame. He’s decided to “live large and go out with a huge bang,” and whatever happens happens. But when a horrific event plunges Matt into a dark, silent place, he hears a rumble…a rumble that wakes him up, calling everything he’s ever disbelieved into question.

Disclaimer: I received this book from Margaret K. McElderry Books via Once Upon a Time Bookstore in Montrose, California in exchange for an honest review. 

Who Would I Recommend This Book To?

Fans of books in free verse such as Audacious (Gabrielle Prendergrast) & Kiss of Broken Glass (Madeline Kuderick)
People who would like a different, strong perspective of atheism told from the perspective of an articulate, somewhat forceful teenage boy

Would I Buy It?

20%
While this book was highly anticipated by myself, I will have to admit that I was disappointed with what this story actually ended up being. I don't think I would buy it, unless I felt the urge to look at a pretty finished copy on my bookshelves.

Background & Backstory

The backstory with how I obtained RUMBLE is the same backstory as I had with Anatomy of a Misfit (Andrea Portes) and Falling Into Place (Amy Zhang). I am friends with the owner -Maureen Palacios- and she so generously let me pick out a few ARCs to read and review. 

What Was My Reaction After I Finished This Book?

You're kidding me, right? You're kidding me.

So I finished RUMBLE last Sunday, but waited to review it until I watched the #ReadytoRumble liveshow which is put on by the people over at Booksplosion which is a group of four BookTubers -Katytastic, PolandBananasBooks, Jesse The Reader & Ariel Bissett- every month where they (and the rest of the bookish community that chooses to participate) reads a book and then comes together at the end of the month to discuss it.

I wanted to wait so that I would be able to have more incite and other people's opinions in regards to RUMBLE and the Booksplosion people all had different, extremely interesting perspectives. This particular liveshow covered the topics of cheating, religion, mismarketing, gun control, excessive alcohol consumption, and a lot of other topics that, even a few years ago, were taboo.

Cool, I'm going to read this book because of its interesting premise. I hope it delivers what I  expect from it.

The majority of the readers of RUMBLE and myself went into the book expecting quite a different story than what we got. I don't know if this was intentional misguiding to draw people in or just a misinterpretation. We all went into RUMBLE thinking that we would be getting a book about an atheist who has heard this rumble which sends him down a deep, spiritual journey of self-discovery and enlightenment about faith.

Okay then book, give me an entirely different plot than what I signed up for.... I get it. I'll sit over hear and cry.

While I have never been into super-religious books, the aspect RUMBLE of that I was most anticipating  was the spiritual aspect because I read the BURNED Duology, also by Ellen Hopkins, which shed a new light on Mormonism, which made me extremely intrigued to see how she would take on Christianity and Atheism. Without spoiling anything, I will say that Matthew hears a rumble at the END of the novel and the events in this book depict his spiral into a dark place that build UP to him hearing it.

Fine.... I'll just read this book instead, but I'm still confused

This automatically brought down other reader's and my own rating of RUMBLE because we had to account for the time when we still thought this book would tell the story the synopsis told, then the time where we had to reboot our brains to go along with the actual synopsis, and then finally accept what the story actually was. And it's certainly not to say that I'm not able to adapt to changes in a story, but personally, the story that I got out of RUMBLE just wasn't as satisfying as I expected it to be compared to Hopkin's other works.

If you have never read an Ellen Hopkins book before this one, I would suggest that you start off with a different one. BURNED, IDENTICAL, and TRICKS are all books of hers that are excellent introductions to her unique style. While I'm talking about Hopkin's writing style, I should mention that her writing is in free verse, which means that the book is formatted like poetry and is extremely lyrical. She also deals with taboo and generally controversial subjects such as drugs (CRANK), depression (IMPULSE), schizophrenia (IDENTICAL), mormons (BURNED), and prostitution (TRICKS). If you needed to visually represent the phrase "say it like you mean it," all you would need to do is hold up any of her books.

I actually like this protagonist?

Generally, I have issues with Ellen Hopkins because they are so mentally messed up to a point where it seems unlikely and certainly not as easy to connect and relate with them. Matt.... was a different story. He was strong, and the essay that was the catalyst for where this story began was extremely articulate and opinionated, which I couldn't help but relate to because I would probably have written the same things he did if I were in his situation.

I didn't agree with all of his decisions and thoughts, far from it actually, but when it came to his strong feelings against religion, I had to agree with a lot of them. People always say that things in life need to be had in moderation, and I believe this applies to religion. There are extremists on EVERY spectrum, there's no question about it. Matt's girlfriend -Hayden- was a super-Christian and utterly dedicated to Jesus. So when Matt questioned her beliefs and she couldn't back them up.... I had to agree with some of his opinions.

*Disclaimer: I am still a teenager, I haven't solidified my personal beliefs and don't believe I will ever get to a point where I am 100% certain of my feelings. I am also not Atheist, and I am perfectly accepting of other people's religions and beliefs*

I have Snape to say it for me

Like a lot of Hopkin's novels, cheating takes place, and personally, I am against cheating.... especially with the situation in this book. Kat provided some incite on this topic, saying that Matt didn't break up with Hayden because so much in his life had changed, that he didn't want to let her go as well. Yet, I disagreed because it was CLEAR as day the two of them were a bad match, and he had to go behind her back (even if she was a horrible person) and sleep with another girl.

Lastly, I would like to say that the free-verse didn't work for RUMBLE. Unlike her other novels, the text was 95% in verses, which could have easily been converted into regular sentences. This book was dense, physically and content-wise, and I'm sorry to say, but the free-verse didn't add anything I couldn't have already gotten.

How Likely Is It That I Will Read Other Books By This Author?

80%

RUMBLE is by Ellen Hopkins, who is one of my auto-read authors. I don't necessarily agree with what she says in her books and even if I don't connect with the characters, I always feel the urge to read whatever she publishes. She provides so much perspective and reading her books is like looking through a different magnifying glass than the one I use for everyday life.

Conclusion: While RUMBLE did not deliver what I expected it to, it was definitely another thought-provoking  Ellen Hopkins book that brought up interesting food for thought.

{Book Review} Audacious #1: Gabrielle Prendergast

Rating: 9/10
Series: Audacious #1
Genre: Poetry, Verse, Contemporary Fiction, Realistic Fiction, Romance, Young Adult, Fiction,
Publisher: Orca
Publication Date: October 1, 2013
Page Count: 327
Format: Hardcover
Source: Library

Goodreads Synopsis: Sixteen year old Raphaelle is that girl who says the wrong thing, who crosses the wrong person, who has the wrong hair, the wrong body, the wrong attitude, the totally wrong clothes. She can’t do anything right, except draw, but she draws the wrong pictures. When her father moves the family to a small prairie city, Raphaelle wants to leave behind the misfit rebel, the outcast, the vengeful trouble-maker she was. Reborn as “Ella,” she plans fit in at her new school, while her perfect younger sister goes to the Catholic girls’ school and her emotionally fragile mother looks for a job.

But Ella might just be a different kind of misfit. She’s drawn to a brooding boy in her art class, Samir, and expresses her confused feelings in an explicit artwork. When a classmate texts a photo of Ella’s art to a younger friend, the horrendous fallout spreads though Ella’s life like an uncontrollable disease. Ella is expelled from school and faces pornography charges, her mother is hospitalized, her sister fails all her classes, and her distant father finally notices something is wrong.

Who Would I Recommend This Book To?

Anyone in the mood for gritty, teen fiction 

A book that does not skim lightly over the "hard stuff" 

Something that is brutally, sometimes painfully honest 

Beautiful, thought-provoking writing style

Fans of Ellen Hopkins, Laurie Halse Anderson, and David Levithan

What Was My Reaction After I Finished This Book?

Why the hell would Audacious end like that?

Background & Backstory

I haven't heard about this book too much throughout the Blogosphere. The only reason I picked it up at all was because of Jayne @ Fiction_The New Reality's and remembered that she loved it. It was on my library's featured shelves, and I wasn't even sure it was the correct book, but I opened it, saw the verse, and immediately put it in the pile of books I was going to check out. What I will say is that you have to be in the mood to read Audacious, as it was a dark novel, and not for the faint of heart. Also, if you're in the mood for some gorgeous writing that will make you think. Because of the writing, this review will be a quote review, and frankly, I am wondering how I didn't tab every single page in this novel.

Quote Review

"I feel like a shirt

That's been washed too many times.

Faded and worn.

I've run my entire love-life cycle

Beginning, middle and end

Wash, risne and dry

In one 24 hour period." 

---P170

The best way to describe Audacious is.... Audacious. It's the kind of book which deals with a mature subject matter and doesn't blur any lines. There isn't a single line that speaks lies. If Audacious was known on a more national level, I am 100% certain that it would be added to the ever-growing list of banned books in schools. Now I'm certain that there have been books written about censorship and making mistakes by spreading images/information via social media. Yet, I'm sure that those books don't take the approach that Audacious does. While other books may be seen as cautionary tales, or as 

judgements made from people observing the situation. Audacious was real, raw, and intentional. 

"I recognize the desperation

The careful measuring of every word and move

The calculation

Can I afford to slip today?

Where am I on the populometer?

.... A liability with my mismatched shoes.

.... Me, they know, they can't afford" 

--- P45.

I know not many people have heard of the book I am about to mention, but I sincerely think more people should, and that book is Dear Nobody: The True Diary of Mary Rose. This book was similar in terms of voice, risky decisions the protagonists make, and the quality of content. Instead of trying to explain myself (again) when it comes to the brutal authenticity of events, all you have to do is read the review. 

"Faith is lost

Morals are challenged

I long to curse, and paint nudity

And reveal lies and weakness

And stupidity.

I long to draw the eyes of other

To themselves

And their failings

And away from me

And mine" 

--- P32.

The difference between Raphaelle and almost every other main character of these types of stories (where everything goes to hell) is that what Raphaelle did was deliberate. Call it risky, call it genius.... call it stupidity, whatever label you stick on it, the fact remains that Raphaelle acted with a purpose and she knew what trouble she could/would get into because of it. Even though I thought Raphaelle made -what I would consider- a bad decision, I 100% see where she was coming from and think, if I was in her situation, that I would have made the same decision. 

"Real art requires risk, she says

And a certain willingness

To be exposed

And vulnerable

Not to scrutiny but to criticism

And even condemnation....

Well done"

---P163.

It is no secret (IRL or online) that I hate Common Core with a fiery passion. It is also no secret that Raphaelle despises conforming to the norm, fake or jaded people, and the general group mentality that tends to show up in High School in general. Now, I'm not saying that I would do something as drastic as Raphaelle to show how much I disagree with Common Core, but I know that I have the same level of intense feelings as her and might, if provoked, do something as risky. So even though everything has gone to hell by the time the quote is said, I know that Raphaelle (as well as myself) feels so liberated and ecstatic that at least one person saw my intentions as they were and applauded them.

"The sun peaks up slowly

Rays bisect the dusty sky

Long thin strips of cloud, like stretched out ribbons

Illuminated by fire

Drift away, their night-time condensation dissipated" 

--- P21. 

"Snowflakes

Falling so softly,

like thieves in the frozen night.

They steal the city." 

--- P61.

"Empty space

It says more about you

And what you intended to say

Than even the artwork itself

Everyone knows what should be there

My piece is up in the library

And that insipid watercolor

And in between we left a large 

Empty space" 

---P230.

If you haven't noticed, the number one reason Audacious received a 5 star rating from me is because of the quote-worthy quotes. I mean, this is a Quote Review for heaven's sakes. The three quotes above are the most powerful ones in the entire novel, and they deserve to be painted on walls and have Etsy boards created with the.  

"God

Where were you when Gabriel died?

Where were you when they bulldozed Samir's home

Or when his cousins died?

When buses blow up

When bridges  collapse

When little children starve

or drown 

Get shot

Or raped

Do you watch

or look away?" 

---P246.

Prendergrast also brings up the concepts of faith, god, and destiny a lot, especially with this quote. While Raphaelle puts a somewhat negative spin on them, as a reader, you also know that this is why some people don't have faith in a god. Because, if God is responsible for everything that happens, why does he let death, sorrow, and suffering happen? And if these horrible events happen in order to teach humanity a lesson, why is it that those particular people are the ones chosen to suffer?

"Quaint, the idea that love is

Unquestionable undefeatable

Endless fathomless

Strong as time and

Tenacious as space but

If love is never to be tested

Or challenged then it is worth

Nothing." 

---P320.

I gotta say, I didn't particularly like the characters of Audacious. Raphaelle was so indecisive when it came to the poor excuse for a "love triangle" that was also a case of insta-love as well as lust. She was so desperate at times that it was pathetic and her negativity kind of brought my mood down a little when she said certain things [see quote above & below]. Don't get me wrong, I love a different, eye-opening perspective, but Raphaelle said some things that I kind of took personally and was offended I know you're thinking I have lost my mind for being offended by what a book character said, but it's true.

"I'm like a flower

Whose petals are being plucked away

One by one

Or falling to the ground

Their purpose served" 

---P283.

Factors ~
My favorite kinds of books are the ones that have lasting effects on who I am, and this is one of them.
I did not give Audacious the full 10/10 stars because of the ending, and annoying love triangle.

How Likely Is It That I Will Read The Sequel?

75% ~ While I loved the book, it would have been so much better if the last 30 pages were just chopped off. Maybe Prendergast felt the pressure to write a sequel, which is why she left a lot of loose threads. I for one, would have enjoyed seeing a companion novel about some of the minor characters, and would really enjoy reading from their perspective. Nevertheless, I will warily read the sequel. It is rare that a book as powerful as Audacious will have a sequel just as good, or even better. So I will go into it with my hopes not too high.

Would I Buy It?

Audacious is one of those books that I would buy even at the full $17.99 price. While reading the book, I placed over 18 slips of papers between pages so I could go back and relish in the beautiful writing. I would jump on purchasing it the minute I saw it in stores so I could have my own copy to annotate.

How Likely Is It That I Will Re-Read?

My best bet is that I will re-read Audacious in a year or so when I'm in the mood, and I am sure once I own it (whenever that is) that I will go back and re-read certain sections and/or quotes that I found inspirational.

Conclusion: Audacious is a risk that Predergrast obviously took with a whole-hearted plunge into the deep end of literature. Just like what Steve Jobs said, "You can quote it [the book], disagree with it, glorify or vilify it, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things..." The only thing you can't do is ignore Audacious.

{ARC Review} To This Day: Shane Koyczan

Rating: 9/10
Series: None
Genre: Picture Book, Non-Fiction, Poetry,
Publisher: Annick Press
Publication Date: September 2, 2014
Recommended For Fans of: Thirteen Reasons Why (Jay Asher), Falling Into Place (Amy Zhang)
Page Count: 74
Format: eARC
Source: Netgalley

Goodreads Synopsis: An authentic rallying cry for anyone who has been affected by bullying.

In February 2013, Shane Koyczan's passionate anti-bullying poem "To This Day" electrified the world. An animated video of the lyric narrative went viral, racking up over 12 million hits to date and inspiring an international movement against bullying in schools. Shane later performed the piece to sustained applause on the stage of the 2013 annual TED Conference.

Now this extraordinary work has been adapted into an equally moving and visually arresting book. Thirty international artists, as diverse as they are talented, have been inspired to create exceptional art to accompany "To This Day." Each page is a vibrant collage of images, colors and words that will resonate powerfully with anyone who has experienced bullying themselves, whether as a victim, observer, or participant.

Born of Shane's own experiences of being bullied as a child, "To This Day" expresses the profound and lasting effect of bullying on an individual, while affirming the strength and inner resources that allow people to move beyond the experience. A heartfelt preface and afterword, along with resources for kids affected by bullying, make this book an invaluable centerpiece of the anti-bullying movement.

Disclaimer: I received this book as an ARC from Annick Press via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

Backstory: The first time I heard of this poem was a few months ago when scrolling through one of my friend's Google+ feeds. I had no idea what the video was going to be about, and I was wondering why everyone in the comments was saying, "Wow! This is so deep." I ended up loving the poem and its message, but pretty much forgot about it until I saw it on Netgalley a few days ago. I also want to say that I have never reviewed a picture book before, and haven't read one in a long time, so we'll just see how this goes.

Physical Book Premise 10/10: If you didn't know, Shane Koyczan rallied 30 artist from around the world, and assigned a verse of the poem to each one to illustrate both sides of a page. I think this was an astounding idea, and it feels like To This Day couldn't have been translated into a book any other way. Each and every one of those 30 artist brings their own unique floor to the table, and creates vivid depictions of each verse, and I think it is so cool how each one interpreted their verse.

Title 10/10: As a reader, I will either love or hate a title. In my opinion, To This Day couldn't possibly have had a better title. The phrase means so much to the characters, the story, and the reader. It  stresses the theme of "Everything effects everything." To me, it means that what may have seemed like a minor thing said can effect a person to this day, even if it happened/was said decades ago.

Cover 6/10: How on earth can I talk about a picture book without talking about the cover? I don't know what I expected, but I know that this isn't the cover I was expecting. I'm not saying it isn't a good cover, the idea behind it (the bullies' shadows and the boy standing up for himself) is great. I expected something more.... something more powerful and striking to adorn my shelves with. Over 30 artists worked on this book, and there were a few that I think could have made something closer to what I expected. 

The Introduction 7/10: Shane introduces himself, and then explains how he started writing and what it did for him throughout his childhood. He shares a few statistics and facts about bulling, as well ad what inspired him to write To This Day. The page before his poem starts, Shane explains that everyone is an artist, all they have to do is find their medium to express themselves. This rang so true for me and I think it will resonate with others trying to discover who they are and find their voices.

Plot 8/10: The poem tells three people's stories about bullying, mostly focusing on the overweight narrator who is perpetually teased after causing a full-scale social worker investigation simply because he used two words interchangeably, and then telling us about a girl with a clearly visible birth mark on her face, and a suicidal boy who's dealing with idiots a society that just doesn't understand what he's going through. After introducing the three of them, the rest of the poem proceeds to describe the pain, rejection, and the feeling of being an anomaly that so many young kids have to go through. 

Quotes & Pictures 10/10: AKA the category where I attempt to describe pictures and fail.

"She looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done." 

When teachers talk about figurative or descriptive language, THIS is what I would like them to show us. I know you guys have to wait until September to see it, but the particular picture on this page is so simple, but powerful. It looks slightly cartoonish, but at the same time, feels like a perfect representation.

"To this day he is a stick of TNT lit from both ends,

could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends in the moments before it's about to fall"

I don't necessarily like the picture on these two pages, but it is powerful and striking, the way it should be for the phrase that resonated the most with me after I read it. There are three funnel tornadoes, and a destructive, fire-breathing creature. It embodies the destructive nature of this verse, and seems almost like a scene you would find in an X-Men movie.

"He remains a conversation piece between people who can't understand

sometimes becoming drug free has less to do with addiction and more to do with sanity."

The verse isn't one of my favorites, because I feel that I have not experienced enough to understand it, but the translation is a wake-up call. There is a larger-than-life orange prescription bottle, filled to the brim with blue and white pills, and on the lid, there is a little boy who hardly looks old enough to take pills, yet alone experience the reasons why he has to take them. Surrounding this bottle, are three grey wolves, trying to make him come down, and more rushing towards him from the next page. The best comparison I can make is Katniss and Peeta on the top of the cornucopia, trying to fend off the mutts.

"This is just debris leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we used to be

and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself

get a better mirror"

One of my favorite (I can say this practically about the entire book) pictures in this book is of people in little boats, surrounded by debris, on course to an island with a sleeping giant whose face is full of sorrow. In the left hand corner, there is a figure of a person, similar to a shadow, looking at herself in a mirror as the poem depicts. The entire image is full of rich, vibrant colors, and shading.

"We are graduating members from the class of

WE MADE IT

Not the faded echoes of voices crying out names will never hurt me

of course they did"

My (actual) favorite picture isn't until almost the very end with this verse. A lot of dark colors that give an almost watercolor effect show a scene of a little town framed against mountains. What I love is that this place could be almost any other little town, just like bulling can happen any and everywhere.

The Ending 6/10: This just gives a little more background information on the poem itself (a more professional version of my back stories), and how it has impacted people, with snipets from some of the illustrators about their experiences with bullying. 

Conclusion: The decision to translate this poem to a picture book was risky, but those risks were well-worth it when you see the startling, beautiful, powerful, and painful images adorning these pages. Although I would have liked it if more of Shane's story was told, as well as how to deal with bullying, this picture book is a new favorite of mine and I cannot wait for it to grace my bookshelves.